Letting Go

I wrote a 4 pages long letter to my mother in law. It was in response to her recent attack (?). And for the first time in my almost 20 years of marriage, I decided to honestly express my bitterness, hurt, and hidden thoughts to her. Once and for all. I was sick and tired of her misunderstanding, false accusation, manipulation, and favoritism over her son. I said it. You’ve hurt me all this time. I am hurting. You should change too. I read it over and over. And I was determined to get her read this piece. As I was saving the letter onto my computer, chatting window popped up. It was my eldest son who’s left for college about 4 days ago. “MOTHER~” he called out. “You said you would call me everyday” I protested. “I’ve been busy. The first week of school started….” “When are you coming home?” (Our house is only about 30 min away from his school) “I don’t know. I am starting to have workload.” And I told him that I was writing a letter to halmony. “haha, she won’t read it…..i’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you” “I miss you son….I love you…. I didn’t know how much you meant to me….” “I love you too momsie” He’s been my encourager, entertainer, friend and inspiration. We would talk pass midnight, gossiping, joking, sharing about our problems and even secrets. And suddenly he wasn’t home. About a week ago, he was home sitting in my kitchen table commenting on my food, but now I am chatting with him through internet. “you should go back to reading” “mom you should sleep” “ok, good night” “gnite mum” Tear came down….and then I sobbed for a minute or two. This was it? If I could, I want to bring him back home. But he has to live his life…I know… Would my mother in law have felt the same when her son left to marry me? It must’ve hurt. Knowing her special love for her son, it would definitely have. I had no choice but move the letter to the Recycle Bin. I don’t need to express my hurt anymore because I know what kind of pain she’d been through: Letting go of our children when we were not ready to let go. Thank you Lord for your timely intervention. You love me and keep me from sinning….Sigh…