Hope in Weakness

Earlier this morning at a breakfast table, I engaged in a very interesting conversation with Joy. I just wanted to give her a simple compliment that could make her day. I said, “Joy, you are so beautiful inside and out!” And I shared with her what one of her friends’ mom shared with me about Joy a while ago. The family have a daughter (joy’s friend’s older sister) who has some kind of noticeable physical disability. When joy had a playdate with her friend at their house, she had a fun time with her friend and her sister. The mom told me that she was so impressed that joy wasn’t scared of her daughter like many other girls in her age but was so warm and friendly toward her daughter, and they had such a great time together. As I shared this with Joy, I said, “that’s having a beautiful inside, beautiful heart. I am glad that you don’t judge people by their looks”. Joy responded, “If someone said someone’s ugly, that’s their opinion (she’s been using these college words a lot these days). I know everyone is beautiful because God made them. I have a problem too (she’s recently developed a tic disorder which caused some vocal and movement tics.) and everyone have big and small problems. And that’s ok. That doesn’t make anyone not beautiful.” I was tearing up. That was mature. That was deep. Her recent medical condition has caused so much anxiety and fear in me. There have been so many nights I couldn’t sleep but fell into this deep hopelessness and doubts about God’s goodness. However, how God has been dealing with this issue with Joy was a total surprise to me. How and whatever God did with her…. Now I see this 6 year old girl being full of compassion, courage, and humility. God has helped her to accept her weakness as something God allowed and believe that it won’t make her any less beautiful or important because she’s made by God. And she sees others in the same way. As God promised me, the weaknesses of my children will continue to mold them to depend on Him and help them understand, embrace, and serve others. God is good. He always has been.

Letting Go

I wrote a 4 pages long letter to my mother in law. It was in response to her recent attack (?). And for the first time in my almost 20 years of marriage, I decided to honestly express my bitterness, hurt, and hidden thoughts to her. Once and for all. I was sick and tired of her misunderstanding, false accusation, manipulation, and favoritism over her son. I said it. You’ve hurt me all this time. I am hurting. You should change too. I read it over and over. And I was determined to get her read this piece. As I was saving the letter onto my computer, chatting window popped up. It was my eldest son who’s left for college about 4 days ago. “MOTHER~” he called out. “You said you would call me everyday” I protested. “I’ve been busy. The first week of school started….” “When are you coming home?” (Our house is only about 30 min away from his school) “I don’t know. I am starting to have workload.” And I told him that I was writing a letter to halmony. “haha, she won’t read it…..i’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you” “I miss you son….I love you…. I didn’t know how much you meant to me….” “I love you too momsie” He’s been my encourager, entertainer, friend and inspiration. We would talk pass midnight, gossiping, joking, sharing about our problems and even secrets. And suddenly he wasn’t home. About a week ago, he was home sitting in my kitchen table commenting on my food, but now I am chatting with him through internet. “you should go back to reading” “mom you should sleep” “ok, good night” “gnite mum” Tear came down….and then I sobbed for a minute or two. This was it? If I could, I want to bring him back home. But he has to live his life…I know… Would my mother in law have felt the same when her son left to marry me? It must’ve hurt. Knowing her special love for her son, it would definitely have. I had no choice but move the letter to the Recycle Bin. I don’t need to express my hurt anymore because I know what kind of pain she’d been through: Letting go of our children when we were not ready to let go. Thank you Lord for your timely intervention. You love me and keep me from sinning….Sigh…

Adoption Update-We've been MATCHED!

Dear friends and family, We would like to express our heartfelt appreciation for your generosity in support of our adoption. Because of your generosity, love, and prayers, we have come thus far in our adoption process and have finally been matched with a beautiful and healthy girl from Korea. Her Korean name is Yoon Joo, and she is almost 7 months old. We will immediately begin our visa process and hope to travel to Korea and bring her home as soon as the visa approves. She is truly a blessing from God and much more than we’ve prayed for. Once again, we have realized how wonderful our Lord is in doing His amazing will through such ordinary people like us. He’s been so faithful in every step of this journey, and we know for sure that He will continue to guide us and be our strength in bringing our girl into our home and raising her in His ways. Thank you from all of us. Sincerely, Pastor Jae, Jee, Daniel, Isaiah, and soon-to-be a big sister, Joy.

Career Development Session III

I know I personally hate my slow, overly cautious progress with my career development. But with so much insecurities, fears, and my typical self-protective tendency, I needed God’s clear conviction to move myself forward. Although on my part, it’s my sin and the heart issue that I am responsible to deal with, God has never failed me in guiding and leading me according to His timing. I have not updated my progress with career because there wasn’t really any progress that i thought was noteworthy. After spending some time praying and assessing on different options, I’d decided to go with self-practice, at least for now. And then, it stopped there. I was stuck. I was overwhelmed by so many things thats involved, and couldn't move further. When I called the IDRC, they sounded so positive that it seemed to be totally possible that I could get the contract with them; however, I didn’t make any further action on getting contracts. My insurance paper was incomplete and still not sent out. I was busy as usual and thought again and again, “I have too much on my plate, what I am doing right now is enough for me.” Same lame excuse. But knowing that I am not typically the procrastinating type of a person, I was frustrated deep inside. Why am I not taking action??? Why why why. Finally I started seeing God moving ahead of me. As it has always been that way, God started speaking to me and directing my heart through His words. Starting from the sermon on a Sunday two weeks ago, God, in perfect order and a consistent theme, has motivated, challenged, convicted, and strengthened me and made it clear to me that now is the time that I need to get out of my comfort zone and take risk to finally do something about the vision that he has placed in my heart 6 years ago concerning my lifecareer & life-calling. God convicted me again to remember the particular evil of this world that has caused the greatest holy discontentment throughout my life. And His voice was clear that He is calling me to leave the comfort zone and take risk for the vision right now. It’s been 6 years. And I am still in Haran, still scared, still feeling insecure, and still bargaining with God. In the book of Nehemiah, Nehemiah was exposed to the circumstance that created a great godly discontentment in his heart. It compelled him to leave his comfort zone and take risk. And God reminded me of all the ruins that I’d experienced as the result of this particular evil in this world, family’s laying in ruin, unprotected, exploited, abused, and hurt due to this evil, and faces of people that are suffering and living in hopelessness that was resulted by this evil. But I haven’t done anything because I was scared to lose my security, comfort, and my life. God was speaking to the core of my heart. As Sanballat ridiculed Nehemiah and God’s people by saying, “what are those feeble Jews doing?” Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day? Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble--burned as they are?” These voices of the evil one has continued to challenge and entrap me in the web of self-doubting, self-protecting, and self-absorbed thoughts. I wasn’t able to see what God sees in me. I continued to fail to believe what God believed for me. During my quiet time while meditating on Judges 6, God’s word really convicted me and gave me the confirmation that it would be Him moving, leading, and doing His work through me. When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” “Pardon me, my Lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?....” The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.” Thank you Lord. You know me, you know my struggles, you know my limits, but I can do this with your help.

Pastor Jae Park's Family Adoption Update& Fundraiser Events

Adoption Support Letter
Feb. 2, 2012
Dear friends,

It’s been exactly one year since my family has decided to adopt a child from Korea. As most of you already know, our heart for an adoption began to develop about four years ago as served the children at the Ahn-Dong orphanage/foster home in Korea each summer. During the GCC Vision Retreat last year, God finally confirmed that it was His will for our family to adopt a child and provide a home for a child who otherwise wouldn’t have one. Pastor Jae and I (Jee) don’t feel like we “need” to adopt. We have three biological children and are fully aware that we are not the best parents who can brag about our outstanding ability to raise another child. However, we felt called to live out God’s calling through obeying His call to be the parents to an unknown adopted child. With much fear and anxiety, we said, “Yes” to His call and our journey began.

We began the adoption process in February 2011 with New Beginnings Children and Family Services (a licensed adoption agency) and have enrolled in their Korea adoption program. Both of us being U.S. citizens with Korean heritage, we decided to adopt a girl between 0-2 years old from Korea. As we learn more about adoption, we are assured that Korean children being adopted by Korean families may alleviate many of the issues that adoptees go through, such as identity crisis, discrimination, prejudice, etc.

Also, God has been so gracious to our family during the last year while we were going through many struggles and restraints related to the adoption process. By God's grace, we have now completed the whole application process and have been approved for the adoption. The case worker at the adoption service predicts that we will be matched with a child before the summer of this year (hopefully).
Similar to sending out support letters for a short- or long-term mission, we are sending out this letter asking you -- our friends and family -- for support in the mission that we are on for the rest of our lives.

First and most important of all, we ask for your prayers. We need to be lifted up in prayer for wisdom in our decisions, strength and patience during this process, and for God to make our path clear and smooth.

Second and almost as important, we would humbly like to ask for financial support. The total cost of this adoption is approximately $35,000, including lawyer fees and incidental costs. So far, we have paid about $7,000 with our own savings and some donations from our church family. In order for this adoption to go forward, we need to raise somewhere around $25,000-30,000.

Pastor Jae and I were reluctant all this time to the idea of having a personal fundraiser; however, God really convicted us of our pride and reminded us how this call was not only for us, but also for everyone around us to partner in this important mission. I believe that not everyone is called to bring an orphan into their home, but our family has been called to this special mission. If there is anyone who believes that it is our corporate responsibility to take care of orphans and widows as Christians, then we would ask you to prayerfully consider donating to our family for this adoption.

There are a few easy ways to help:

1. You can give us cash or a check written to Jae/Jee Park, in person or sent to:
426 Main Street, Spotswood, NJ 08884 (Attn: Pastor Jae Park's adoption)

2. If you are interested in purchasing our adoption T-shirt, designed and supported by KrapyDNA, please check out their website: http://www.krapydna.com/collections/adoption



3. If you are interested in purchasing Jee SMN’s famous “Valentine’s Day Edition: Homemade French Macarons” (10-12 macaroons in chocolate, strawberry, green tea, pistachio, and Swiss Meringue buttercream flavors, placed in a decorative box with ribbons) for $25, you can email Jee at: jeepark17@hotmail.com (NJ & PA residents only -- please email for more info)



We are absolutely exciting for our fourth child, who will be joining us in next year or two. If you want to read our approval letter for adoption sent by the adoption agency, please feel free to request a copy if that would help your decision.
Thank you!

Blessings,
The Park family: Jae, Jee, Daniel, Isaiah, & soon-to-be big sister Joy

박 반석 목사 가정 입양 소식 & Fundraiser Event (바자회)

입양 후원 편지 January 30, 2012


신실하신 소망의 하나님의 이름으로 문안드립니다.
2012년 한 해에도 평안하시길, 또 주님의 은혜로 가득한 나날들이 되시길 기도합니다.

저희 가정은 목회자의 가정으로 지금까지 많은 주위의 사랑과 도움, 기도를 받아왔습니다. 그 열매로, 저희가 섬기고 있는 2세 사역도 주님의 은혜와 축복 가운데 아름답게 세워져 가고 있고, 개인적으로, 한 가정으로서도 주님 주신 비젼과 소명을 그분께서 이루시는 것을 날마다 체험하고 살아가고 있습니다.

이번 2012년도는 저희 가정에게 가장 exciting한 해가 될 것 같습니다. 먼저 저희 큰 아들 충성(Daniel)이가 대학을 가게 되고, 막내 이슬(Joy)이도 Kindergarten을 시작하게 됩니다. 또 많은 분들이 알고 계시듯이, 드디어 저희 가족이 일년전에 시작한 입양 절차를 마치고, 입양이 허락 되었습니다. 우여 곡절이 많았지만, 그때 그때마다, 하나님께서는 이 일이 하나님이 하시는 일이라는 것, 하나님의 뜻이라는 것을 알려주시고, 한 걸음 한 걸음 인도해주시고, 해결해 주셔서, 저희는 빠른 시간안에, 입양허락을 정식으로 받게 되었습니다. 저희 가정에게는 너무나도 믿을 수 없는 가능치 않은 일이였지만, 하나님의 은혜로만 이 곳까지 올 수 있었습니다.

저희부부가 둘다 한국인이고, 특별히 한국 고아들에게 마음이 커서, New Beginnings Children and Family Services 라는 입양 단체의 한국 입양 프로그램에 등록을하였고, 0-2세의 한인 여아와 match가 되길 기다리고 있는 상태입니다. 저희는 지난 7년간 한국에 있는 고아원에서 여름마다 사역을 인도해 왔고, 4년전부터는 마음에 입양을 꿈꾸어왔습니다. 하지만 지난 1월에서야 입양의 마음을 심으신 분이 하나님이셨고, 이것이 그분의 뜻이라는 확신을 가지게 되었습니다. 저희의 인간으로서의 부족함과 여러 자격부족을 알고 있으면서도 믿음으로 입양 절차를 시작하게 되었고, 기적처럼 지금의 위치까지 오게 되었습니다. 입양기관의 추측으로는 올해 안에 아이가 정해질수 있다고 합니다.

이런 목적을 가지고, 선교후원 편지를 보내는 마음으로 이렇게 친구와 친지 여러분들께 후원 편지를 띄우게 되었습니다.
먼저는 저희에게 지금 가장 중요한 것은 기도의 후원입니다. 특별히, 비록 다른 어머니와 아버지를 통해 이 세상에 나오기는 하나, 하나님이 우리가정에 예비하신 저희의 4째 아이를 위해 기도해 주십시오. 아직 태어나지 않았다면, 모태에서 부터 주님의 사랑과 보호를 체험할수 있도록, 또 친모와 떨어지는 힘든 시간에 하나님께서 아이의 마음을 위로해주시고 함께 해달라고, 또 입양절차동안, 좋은 임시 부모를 만나 사랑으로 양육되도록, 또 우리가정에 잘 적응할수 있도록 기도해 주십시오. 건강하고 지혜로운, 외모도 우리 아이들을 닮은 아이였으면 하는 바램입니다.

저희 가족을 위해서는 이 힘든 기다림의 시간동안 하나님의 맘에 맞는 결정들을 내릴수 있는 지혜와, 인내와 힘을 주님께 공급받도록 기도해 주십시오. 모든 절차가 순조롭도록도 꼭 기도해 주십시오. 입양은 아이가 정말 오는 그날까지 너무도 많은 변수가 있을수 있다고 합니다. 어떤 이유로, 입양이 성사되지 않을 수 있다고도 합니다. 끝까지 많은 기도가 필요합니다.

두번째로는 재정적인 후원이 절실히 필요합니다. 입양을 끝내기까지는 $35,000의 재정적인 책임이 있습니다. 우리아이를 입양하는데, 다른 사람들에게 도움을 청한다는 것이 부끄러워, 지금까지 소극적인 태도로 있던 저희였지만, 하나님께서 그것도 저희의 교만이라는 깨우침을 주셨습니다. 하나님이 원하시는 일을 할때 분명 나혼자 한것이 없는 것을 볼때, 이번 입양이 주의 일이라면, 동역자들의 동참도 하나님의 뜻이라고 생각합니다. 고아와 과부를 돌보라는 그리스도인들을 향한 하나님의 뜻을 순종하고자 하는 마음이 있으시다면, 저희의 입양을 돕는것에 대해 기도해 보시길 부탁합니다.

몇가지 저희 입양을 도울수 있는 방법을 나누려고 합니다.

1. 첫째로는, 현금이나 Personal Check를 저희에게 직접 건내주시거나 아래의 주소로 보내주실수 있습니다.

Rev. Jae & Jee Park
우편함 (Mailbox)주소: 426 Main Street, Spotswood, NJ 08884
(Attn: Pastor Jae Park's adoption)

2. 두번째로는 저희 입양을 위해 KrapyDNA라는 인터넷회사에서 티셔츠를 판매하여 기금을 모금해주시고 있습니다. 티셔츠를 구입하시려면, www.krapydna.com/collections/adoption을 방문하시면 됩니다.




3. 세번째로는 발렌타인 데이 프렌치 마카론 (French Macarons) 바자에 참여하실수 있습니다. 10-12개의 색색의 마카론을 선물박스에 포장하여 $25에 판매하고 있습니다. 자세한 문의와 구입은이메일로 하실수 있습니다. (jeepark17@hotmail.com)


항상 주의 일을 감당할때, 이렇게 의지할수 있는 가족들과 친구들을 허락하여 주신 하나님께 감사 드립니다. 여러분들의 격려와 기도가 지금까지 많은 위로와 힘이 되었습니다. 저희 가정과 함께 한아이를 주께로 인도하고, 가정을 만들어 주는 일에 동역하여 주셔서, 함께 기쁨을 나누길 원합니다. 저희도 부족하지만, 계속적으로 하나님의 뜻을 이루어 나가는 가정과 이웃이 되도록 노력하겠습니다.


감사합니다!


박반석(Jae) 목사, 지현(Jee)사모, 충성(Daniel), 영웅(Isaiah), 이슬(Joy) 드림

Don't be a clanging cymbal and resounding gong. This is the word for the year 2012 that God has laid in my heart. 
I know it's Gods will for us to love others but I also know how daunting this task can be. Almost impossible. 
I am conscious about loving and serving others through giving, helping, witnessing, etc. however,  I've noticed that i rely on myself, my abilities and resources too much when doing so.    And soon my limits are revealed and i cant help but realize that i cant love.  I am embarrassed and discouraged. After all that talk, all that promises, and all that waste, has that person been really blessed by my love?
Do they even think that I tried?
It's such a short-lived and ineffective love affair on my side.  I feel like I am a hypocrite and failure, noisy cymbal and resounding gong.  Everything I tried seem so small and worthless.  I feel like I failed them and failed God. 

But if that's how this love can be done, it doesn't have to be a Christian thing.  Anyone who is naturally patient and understanding and has a higher level of tolerance can do much better job.  And if I would fail because of my weaknesses, what's the use of even trying in the first place?  Ultimately I would fail to meet anyone's expectation.  

However, God reminded me of his truth which strengthened me to continue with my somewhat feeble attempt to love.   

Why am I focusing on the big picture and be discouraged and even wanting to give up on what I've been doing with a good intention?  I think that is the devils scheme.  Devil is trying to make us focus on what we can't do and our imperfect-ness so that we would be pressured and doubt ourselves and ultimately give up. 
God is not only lowering the standards for us ("when you provided a cup of water to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,  you were doing it to me!  Matt25), but he even tell us straight up that we can't do it on our own and assures us of his help.  (John 15:4, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me."

In loving others, what will keep us going is not our resources or abilities.   It is his strength that he promised us and our humble obedience to follow that call regardless of our constant failures and humbling experiences. 

Don't give up! Don't be caught up with "hopeless me". Just continue to obey  and rely on his strength.  Love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strengths and love others as yourself.  This is God's will for our lives.