I know I personally hate my slow, overly cautious progress with my career development.
But with so much insecurities, fears, and my typical self-protective tendency, I needed God’s clear conviction to move myself forward. Although on my part, it’s my sin and the heart issue that I am responsible to deal with, God has never failed me in guiding and leading me according to His timing.
I have not updated my progress with career because there wasn’t really any progress that i thought was noteworthy.
After spending some time praying and assessing on different options, I’d decided to go with self-practice, at least for now. And then, it stopped there. I was stuck.
I was overwhelmed by so many things thats involved, and couldn't move further. When I called the IDRC, they sounded so positive that it seemed to be totally possible that I could get the contract with them; however, I didn’t make any further action on getting contracts. My insurance paper was incomplete and still not sent out. I was busy as usual and thought again and again, “I have too much on my plate, what I am doing right now is enough for me.” Same lame excuse.
But knowing that I am not typically the procrastinating type of a person, I was frustrated deep inside. Why am I not taking action??? Why why why.
Finally I started seeing God moving ahead of me. As it has always been that way, God started speaking to me and directing my heart through His words. Starting from the sermon on a Sunday two weeks ago, God, in perfect order and a consistent theme, has motivated, challenged, convicted, and strengthened me and made it clear to me that now is the time that I need to get out of my comfort zone and take risk to finally do something about the vision that he has placed in my heart 6 years ago concerning my lifecareer & life-calling.
God convicted me again to remember the particular evil of this world that has caused the greatest holy discontentment throughout my life. And His voice was clear that He is calling me to leave the comfort zone and take risk for the vision right now. It’s been 6 years. And I am still in Haran, still scared, still feeling insecure, and still bargaining with God.
In the book of Nehemiah, Nehemiah was exposed to the circumstance that created a great godly discontentment in his heart. It compelled him to leave his comfort zone and take risk. And God reminded me of all the ruins that I’d experienced as the result of this particular evil in this world, family’s laying in ruin, unprotected, exploited, abused, and hurt due to this evil, and faces of people that are suffering and living in hopelessness that was resulted by this evil. But I haven’t done anything because I was scared to lose my security, comfort, and my life. God was speaking to the core of my heart.
As Sanballat ridiculed Nehemiah and God’s people by saying, “what are those feeble Jews doing?” Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day? Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble--burned as they are?” These voices of the evil one has continued to challenge and entrap me in the web of self-doubting, self-protecting, and self-absorbed thoughts.
I wasn’t able to see what God sees in me. I continued to fail to believe what God believed for me. During my quiet time while meditating on Judges 6, God’s word really convicted me and gave me the confirmation that it would be Him moving, leading, and doing His work through me.
When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”
“Pardon me, my Lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us?....”
The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”
“Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”
The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.”
Thank you Lord. You know me, you know my struggles, you know my limits, but I can do this with your help.
